© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete text of Human Action, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's philosophy of human achievement.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
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Another limiting box you may begin to climb out of has to do with what you think you want as opposed to what you really want. These can differ because of habit, programming and upbringing. You may unconsciously have a strong image of your ideal mate as being similar to one of your parents, an early love, even a brother or sister. Or perhaps you're working with a strong image based on your priorities of ten years before, without realizing that you've changed so much since then.

If you use Trans-Biological Kinesis (or just plain hard thinking and common sense) to expand your universe of potential love partners, you will find that you now have the ability to be more selective. Knowing that you have a large pool of possible mates to choose from also gives you the ability to take your time. You can be alone for a while now without being lonely, since you know you are not required to take the first reasonably compatible person you find. If you combine this attitude with a growing sense of your own self worth, you can reach a point where you simply have more time to think and reflect on how your love life is going.

Remember, when you get involved with the wrong person, you lose out on time and opportunities to search for the right person. Perhaps you find you go through a pattern with your love life. You may be selective for a while, then the need to be with someone becomes so great, that you enter a relationship that is doomed to failure. The problem is that it takes time to fail. During that time the two of you become attached, even if you don't really love each other. You might nevertheless tell each other you love each other, and really believe it, but what you have is a poor excuse for love. Sooner or later the miserable relationship ends, you feel sorry for yourself for a while, and then the need wells up and the cycle starts once again.

You need to find a big stick and shove it into the spokes of the wheel to break that cycle. Break it, step back, and look at yourself. Old habits die hard. Breaking them can be painful. But were you really in love when you uttered those three magic words? Or were you in need?

Remember our premise: you can have “that” feeling all the time. The only way this will happen, though, is if you expand your universe and look hard at your priorities. The first step toward expanding your universe involves throwing out what you thought you wanted and rebuilding your priorities in a love partner from scratch. When you do this you may find that your idea of an ideal partner was so narrow that you could never have attained it. Time to get out that sledge hammer and break through some of those walls. Yes, you decide, you do feel you should restrict yourself to people with education levels or religious beliefs similar to your own. That's important. But now you see you can expand on the issue of age, height, weight or even ethnic background. You know you'll never find the perfect partner, except in Hollywood, and you'd probably be disappointed with Mr. or Ms. Perfect anyway.

Hollywood and television have a way of getting under our skin. This is understandable, since thousands of talented professionals work there full time to create the myths and images of love. A major static scenario goes like this. The man and the woman are thrown together by accident, perhaps even put in danger together. In the beginning, neither can stand the other. The man thinks the woman is too feisty and independent, while the woman thinks the man is (like all men, probably) a hopelessly insensitive chauvinist. Of course, after an adventure or two, this develops into true love accompanied by effortlessly exciting sex.

In real life, you keep your options open and come to know what you're really looking for. You have some false starts, but you don't cry over them; you just move on. Sooner or later your experience allows you to recognize when someone is on the same wavelength as you. After some awkwardness, uncertainty and perhaps conflict, this eventually develops into true love (also accompanied by effortlessly exciting sex).

But you only get there if you do the work.

Exercise: Getting the Hollywood Out of Your System

Look at you, look at your attitudes, then look at Hollywood. Ask yourself these questions:

• When you meet potential partners, does it ever seem as if you are playing out a part in a movie or a television series?

• Do you have strong fantasies that involve glamour, mystery, romance?

• In judging your own or a potential partner's appearance, do you use Hollywood or television images as a reference point?

• Do you believe that all romantic encounters should be exciting?