© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete text of Human Action, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's philosophy of human achievement.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
Human Action Table of Contents
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Relating to other people is an advanced, civilized skill. As we determined in earlier chapters, civilization is basically kinetic and growth oriented. If you're the type of person who enjoys meeting new people, learning about them, listening to them and interacting with them, you develop skills that can take you far in the realm of love relationships.

Even more valuable is the fact that if you are kinetic, meaning open and “out there” for the benefit of other people, you stand a good chance of attracting someone with the same degree of civilized personal development. This goes a long way toward solving a major problem faced by aware, forward-thinking people. Unfortunately, it takes two to tango in a relationship. Healthy people do wind up in relationships with unhealthy people (who can be difficult to spot). By being out there in a rich social environment, the healthy person stands a better chance of finding a kindred spirit.

To build the foundation of happiness with another person, you first have to become a whole single person. Your social life and how you deal with it has a great effect on how you hold yourself and view yourself. You live and work with other people, and ideally you want to learn to connect with them. Lovers are important, but we also need friends. Friends are important, but we also need network acquaintances and allies in life. So the love life is only the centerpiece of a much larger life (really a process) in which we relate to other people. Expanding our perspective toward other people almost always enriches us. And with that richness in our hearts, we cannot help but become better at finding a love and keeping that love going.

Even if you do find the right person, too much of a focus on the relationship can lead to unnecessary pressures. It's like putting all your eggs in one basket. A good relationship or marriage doesn't have to be a fortress. One or both partners will probably need social outlets other than the partnership. When the social needs are not met because the relationship gets too much priority, the relationship and the people in it suffer.

The concept of a rich social life goes back to the prior section on delaying gratification. Going after instant results often results in instant disappointment. While a rich social life will result in a rich dating atmosphere, it doesn't require a one-to-one correlation to be satisfying. If you feel all your life activities are revolving around finding potential partners, you may find that you're not enjoying the process enough. Your driving goal to connect may be putting you in a static box. The concept of the kinetic process allows you to enjoy the here and now, without jeopardizing your future by making bad choices. The key is that you should come to enjoy your social life even if it does not lead to dating, and in turn enjoy dating without the strict necessity of every date leading to something. The very richness of the human interaction involved is what gives you the skill and perspective to choose all your relationships, including love, from the position of greatest strength.