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10.03 People Who Aren't All There
- Experience is the child of Thought, and Thought is the child of Action. We cannot learn
men from books.
Benjamin Disraeli (1804–1881)
It may be difficult to recognize integrity in other people in the absence of difficult
circumstances, but it's considerably easier to recognize and sever relationships with people
who “aren't all there.” These people suffer from a basic personality disorder. They're self
defeating. Learn to recognize them and stay away from them. In many ways, they can be
more damaging to you than outright crooks. They'll drag you down like quicksand. And
they're all over the place.
Here are some of the major warning signs:
- You become friendly with someone. They start lending you things you didn't want
to borrow in the first place, giving you advice you don't want. They go out of their way to do
things for you for no apparent reason, even if you discourage them. Don't confuse this
unhealthy type of behavior with friendship. At the same time, these people often reject or
make ineffective your honest attempts to give them needed help. They have a deep need to
feel sorry for themselves. It's not up to you to fill that need. Often these people will be
offended by the idea of someone reaching out to them. They grab on to every scrap of
negativity they can.
- This type of person always seems to fail, even if they have talent. On a closer look, you
realize that they choose situations in their lives that lead to their inevitable failure. It's almost
as if they're following a game plan. They compound this tendency by procrastinating or
otherwise failing to do what they need to do to meet their most basic goals. In personal
relationships, they'll often pick a fight by being overly critical, then feel hurt when the other
person fights back. They see the worst side of everything.
- This type of person won't react well to their own success or achievement. When they do
accomplish something, instead of being uplifted, they often slip into worry and guilt. When
they're presented with an opportunity to have fun or to interact with people who mean them
no harm, they often create unnecessary conflict.
- These people almost never admit they have anything wrong with them. To the contrary,
they view their idea of the world as normal. Psychologists and theorists have many different
terms for these people, but these terms are of no use to you. Keeping your eyes open
is.
Does some of this sound familiar? Of course you've already encountered this
behavior, time and again. At times you may have been tolerant of it, and other times you may
have rejected one of these half-people with some justification. It's tough to reject someone
you thought was your friend. We all like having friends. As time goes on, however, you'll get
better at recognizing the behavior of these incomplete people and you won't let them into
your life in the first place.
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