© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete 2005 revised text of Building Yourself, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's guide to living the successful life.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
Building Yourself Table of Contents
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• Human kind cannot bear very much reality. T.S. Eliot (1888–1965)

Ten years passed. The company had grown from the original eight to over one hundred and sixty-five people. The firm was about to go public. Then one day, Roger, the guiding light of the company, a man who had attracted luck all his life, saw his luck run out; he walked out into a busy Manhat­tan street to hail one taxi and was flattened by another. With Roger's death, not only did the public offering fall through, but his complicated deals began to wither on the vine. The company was soon swallowed up in a merger. Most of the employees, including Alice, were out on the street.

Alice discovered that her ten years of work had not given her ten years of experience in the insurance industry, just ten years of experience working closely with Roger, now dead. When the visionary Roger was alive, it didn't matter that Alice worked in a male dominated industry; now, suddenly, it did. On paper, in the job marketplace in that particular industry, Alice was indistinguishable from tens of thousands of other middle management types pounding the pavements.

Fortunately, Alice was sharp enough to recognize the fact that she would no longer be rewarded according to her past expectations in the insurance industry. She had some money put aside because of Roger's wisdom and generosity. Instead of wasting the money to live on while she banged her head against the wall trying to repeat her initial good luck in the insurance industry, she used her financial cushion to purchase an educational services franchise and then run with the business. She worked the societal trends and made many times the income she would have made had Roger lived.

Was Alice a genius? Certainly not. She merely had the gift of thinking for herself. She read about the hundreds of thousands of layoffs at large corporations due to “downsizing.” She read and clipped articles that spoke of “job extinction” and the difficulties young college graduates were having entering the job market. She kept abreast of societal changes, like the growing concern with the nation’s educational system. It all added up to opportunity.

Was Alice lucky? Perhaps the first time, when she ran into Roger. But the second time, Alice was wise enough to respect reality. She hadn't spent her ten years in the industry without learning the reality of it: a closed club for people like her. She hadn't spent the same ten years as an aware human being without learning the reality of the world outside that closed club—unlimited opportunity.

Unreality is the inability to accept that what ought to be, is not and what ought not to be, is. Reality means that you see real opportunity clearly. And you do it by getting into the habit of thinking for yourself.

You've been working for that promotion for five years. The position is now free. It's got your name written all over it. But wait, you didn't know the boss had another nephew.

You've done careful market research. Everybody's told you that they'll come to your restaurant once you open it. Then how come nobody comes?

You've worked hard on a report which you handed to your boss's secretary yesterday. The secretary tells you the boss raved over it. Then how come the boss gets your name wrong at the company picnic this afternoon, and only wants to talk about tennis?

You've worked hard on your marriage. So has your spouse. It's supposed to work if you both work at it, isn't it? Then how come it still isn't clicking?

Beware of the notion that logic and superstition are diametrically opposed concepts. Outside of the literal world of the computer, logic is superstition. The idea that the world will work as it ought to is superstition. This kind of “logic” is a powerful and addictive drug. It cripples many people of talent and ability. Free yourself of this affliction as early in your life as you can. It will fog your thinking and waste your life.

Reality, not logic, runs the world. Reality, unlike logic, can be vicious and cruel. The fact is, rain will fall in your life, even when the weather should be sunny. Your forecast hadn't called for an umbrella, and you got wet. Do you sit home feeling sorry for yourself because the promotion went to someone who deserved it less than you? No. You spend an acceptable period of time analyzing the situation as unemo­tionally as you can. This done, you take whatever action is necessary to realize your goals, based firmly on the new reality. Like Allan Dwan, you direct.

Reality involves uncertainty and unpredictability. Reality involves luck, both good and bad. And in the realm of personal achievement, reality also involves risk.