© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete 2005 revised text of Building Yourself, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's guide to living the successful life.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
Building Yourself Table of Contents
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• Do you wish people to think well of you? Don't speak well of yourself. Blaise Pascal (1623–1662)

Stature is a long term proposition. It cannot be rushed. The best book on dealing with people from the highest level of maturity and stature was written when my parents were still in school. It is, of course, Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. You can find it in any bookstore or thrift shop.

Carnegie's book is filled with usable techniques for working and dealing with people. But it also calls for the reader to develop stature. It stresses the importance of making other people feel important. It shows the value not only of listening to the other person's point of view, but of actually seeing things from that point of view. Projecting into the other person's mind and heart is a valuable skill.

We've already seen how reality scoffs at the “superstition of logic.” Logic, in interpersonal terms, is better described as wishful thinking. Carnegie, in his wisdom, agrees that logic takes us down the wrong alleyway. People, he writes, are not logical, but “creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”

“Wait a minute,” you say. “Aren't we people too? Doesn't the same observation apply to us?”

Of course it does. We, too, are creatures of emotion, pride and vanity rather than logic. The difference is, we know it, and the others still don't. We can now act maturely and stop our pride and vanity from getting the better of us. We also have the perspective to treat the delicate egos of others very gently. As Carnegie tells us, “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—and most fools do.” Carnegie sums it all up by quoting Thomas Carlyle: “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.”

My own personal philosophy is perhaps a little more charitable than Carnegie's or Carlyle. I believe in what I call a collective ego. That's right—I think very highly of myself, my capabilities, my accomplishments, my life skills. And, while the mass of humanity still perplexes me, I treat everyone as if he or she has the exact same capabilities as I do. I love—I repeat love—to see other people succeed. The success of others feeds my own. The success of others strikes a blow against failure and for the freedom we all have to take risks and succeed. Esteem of others begins with self esteem. Self esteem begins with esteem of others.