© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete 2005 revised text of Building Yourself, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's guide to living the successful life.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
Building Yourself Table of Contents
Previous Section - Next Section

• Wear your learning like your watch, in a private pocket; and do not pull it out and strike it merely to show that you have one. Lord Chesterfield (1694–1773)

We spend most of our lives interacting with other people. Most of the success principles in this book have to do with how you interact with others. Not so with self knowledge. Self knowledge has nothing to do with other people. It has nothing to do with the impressions and notions you get from other people. It has nothing to do with the opinions other people might have of you. The road to self knowledge can be a lonely one.

How do you begin to search for yourself? No one knows. Perhaps this book will motivate you to put some stress on finding the proper self. Perhaps other books will motivate you to begin your search. But, though many will try, no book will tell you how. You're too much an individual for that. And so, too, no other person or outside institution, course, human potential seminar, religion, therapist, or any other entity can help you much. You're much too complex for that. It's your own self. It's your own job.

“Know thyself” said the Seven Sages of Greek antiquity. Self knowledge gives you internal validity. The confident self doesn't need to prove itself. The autonomous self doesn't need validation by others. We're slow to learn this truth, and slower still to practice it. The usual method of learning the true meaning of self‑validation is by making fools of ourselves in our effort to win the approval of others. If you're too busy watching what other people think of you, you won't have the time or perspective to find your proper self.

Some suggestions: Keep a journal. Read the entries back two or three days after you make them for increased analysis and self-awareness. Or, talk into a tape recorder for ten or fifteen minutes then play the tape back in a few days. Analyze your mood triggers: What do you react to? What makes you angry? What or who drives you crazy? Who are you attracted to and why? What are you particularly sensitive to? Analyze when you're acting compulsively (driven, deprived of choice) and when you're acting freely.

If you keep at it and come to know yourself, you'll become better able to bring out the best parts of yourself. It's a life-long process, but it's never too late to start.