© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete 2005 revised text of Building Yourself, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's guide to living the successful life.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
Building Yourself Table of Contents
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• Many strokes, though with a little axe/Hew down and fell the hardest timbered oak. William Shakespeare (1564–1616)

Is that really the way it works, you ask? Every day, you see a new star suddenly catapult to the limelight. Everywhere: business, politics, sports, entertainment. Isn't that the Ameri­can Dream, to make the big splash, to rise from rags to riches, to capture the nation's heart in a sudden blitzkrieg?

There are two answers to this question. It depends where you look. If you look to popular culture (and you should not because you've learned to think for yourself), the answer is yes. According to the American Dream, you work hard and smart, make that one big score, then glide on a wave of wealth and fame without a care in the world.

If you look to the real American dream, the traditional ethos that called for hard but satisfying work followed by reward, the answer is no, there is no such thing as an instant success. On the other hand, there's a traditional success story on every street corner in America, in every town, in every shopping mall. These stories have no glitter, just prosperity and self‑fulfillment. We take our inspiration from them.

In every case, the successful person, whether someone starting a business, creating a career in the arts, or running a soup kitchen for the homeless, took an idea and kept at it. They never planned to sit back and glide. They wouldn't want to. Human beings need to work. Retirement, especially early retirement, has driven many a successful person back to the office. No, too bad, you won't be successful overnight. But yes, for joy, in a way you will. Living a successful life and enjoying every minute of it because you think, work and live successfully is something you can have instantly—before you even reach the next paragraph. You don't need to make that splash. You don't need fame to feel important. You know who you are. You already know how worthwhile you are. That's success by any measure.

Books, television, movies, popular songs feed the notion of overnight success. That's what people want to hear while they line up to buy the super jackpot lotto ticket of the week. Yes, today we're stuck in traffic, it's ninety-five degrees outside, the air conditioner doesn't work and we have to go to the bathroom very badly. Waiters and store clerks are rude to us and we live in an apartment so small that we can't afford to put on more weight without getting stuck. We were able to pay our American Express bill only because we took an advance against our Visa card; when that bill comes due we'll draw on our MasterCard or ask Mom and Dad.

But tomorrow, oh glorious tomorrow. This is America. Tomorrow, our ship will come in. Life will be golden and the sun will shine. The expressway will be cleared especially for us so that we may tool down it at a hundred eighty-five miles an hour in our new Maserati. We need a car that fast because otherwise it would take much too long to drive the twelve miles from our palatial mansion to the street. For that matter, if we drove any slower, the phalanxes of adoring fans would eat us alive. And, no, we regret that we won't be able to dine at the White House next Sunday, but if the President would be able to stop by sometime in the morning, we could get the cook to rustle up something so we can have that long‑put‑off chat about the nation's future.

We stressed thinking for yourself in the last chapter. Well, part of thinking for yourself is guarding against this rose‑colored‑glasses nonsense. Oh, you say, the case above is an extreme one. Nobody believes that. True enough, but these kind of stories infect us anyway. They lead us, in situations more real, to have unrealistic expectations. Let's look at some real situations to see what we mean.

The hard working insurance agent becomes a member of the Million Dollar Club. What happens next? The agent keeps on selling insurance.

The actress lands her first supporting movie role. The critics rave. She becomes friends with some major movie stars and producers. What happens next? Does she sail? No, she works harder than ever to develop her career, to find parts, to perfect her skills.

The ambitious politician finally gets elected to Congress. Is it now time to sit back and gloat? Of course not. It's time to work even harder to learn the constituency and to become a more successful politician.

In real life the work never stops. What a tragedy if it did. Truly successful people know they can't stop working. They don't want to. They keep adding bricks to their building. The building they build is important, but the process of bricklaying is more important. They love mixing the mortar, hauling in the bricks, piling them up one by one. Now and then they stand back, wipe off the sweat, and look with pride at what they have built. Then they get going again.