© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete 2005 revised text of Building Yourself, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's guide to living the successful life.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
Building Yourself Table of Contents
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• Parties who want milk should not seat themselves on a stool in the middle of a field in hope that the cow will back up to them. Elbert Hubbard (1856–1915)

But let's say the laws of physics and human biology were suddenly changed, allowing other people to take care of these functions for us. It would still be just like life, because few people would cooperate. People have their own agendas.

Does the sales manager really want to listen to your presentation on how to reach the Johnson account? No, his main concern is how he can diplomatically suggest to his wife that she go on a diet. Is your Aunt Zelda really going to talk to her friend on the city council about getting stop signs at that dangerous intersection? No, not until she gets over her grief that her favorite soap star was suddenly killed off by the producers. Do you think your boss is going to notice you and promote you simply on the basis of your excellent work? Are you mad? She doesn't have time to notice you; she still hasn't figured out how she is going to invite all three of her aunts, who each hate the other two, to her daughter's wedding.

Sometimes we view our lives from a lazy perspective. This is unfortunate, but natural. We've become too warm and snug in our beds to leave them until we must. Deep down inside, we wish someone else would take certain steps to bolster our success, to open doors for us. Don't we deserve it? Don't we eagerly help others?

What about that executive search agent. Isn't she supposed to get me a job? How about Uncle Harry? Isn't he supposed to show my script to his high school sweetheart, the producer in Hollywood? What about my business partner? Isn't she supposed to investigate all the hazards of the deal so I don't have to? What about my employees? Aren't they supposed to work for our common good? What about the government? Isn't it on my side?

I could go on, but you can fill in the space with your own catalog of disappointments. No one out there in the real world is going to break routine to help you. Your friends, relatives and other people you care about will often be the ones who'll disappoint you the most.

If you want a business loan you've got to fight for it; don't rely on the affable lending officer at your bank. If you want an entry level job, you've got to contact the decision makers themselves; don't rely on the human resources office or somebody's secretary. If you want to get your script produced, you've got to get out there and network until you find a producer hungry enough to pay attention to you; don't expect people to read your work by plopping it in the mailbox. If your book is finally accepted for publication, you've got to get the publicity and media exposure all on your own; don't rely on the publisher to do it for you. Do it yourself.

If you need to contact Big Shot X with a brilliant project, write the luminary a memo and follow it up with persistent phone calls; don't wait until you run into each other at the company picnic. If you want to start a business, get out there and do the research you need to do; don't wait for your Uncle Fred to give you pointers at Thanksgiving. If you really want a date with Mr. or Ms. Super Desirable, call the person and introduce yourself; don't wait for your cousin Jennifer to get around to introducing you. Do it yourself.

Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Read this paragraph again.

We've repeated the phrase “Do it yourself” a dozen times (twenty‑four if you read the paragraph twice), because the advice is as ignored as it is simple. If we're comfortable in our warm and snug bed, we'll stay there until we absolutely must rise to go to the bathroom. And with the other things that we know we must do for ourselves, we don't get such relentless, nagging signals. Just as no one else will do them for us, no one else will remind us to do them.

It's easy to get caught in a vicious circle of passivity and hopelessness. Excuses not to do things yourself can be excellent ones: “It's not my job; it's not my area of expertise; Uncle Fred promised.” But the other side of the coin is that once we get into the habit of doing things for ourselves, we realize how easy it is. “Why,” you say to yourself, astonished. “I did it for myself. It was so much easier and so much less messy than trying to get someone else to do it for me!”