© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete 2005 revised text of Building Yourself, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's guide to living the successful life.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
Building Yourself Table of Contents
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• The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet. Aristotle (384–322 B.C.)

Marriages take a great deal of emotional energy. If the two people are in tune, that emotional energy can grow in a positive way. But if you're closeted with someone who pulls you in a direction you don't want to go in, you'll be spending all your time and energy just trying to get back to square one. The physical closeness you share will often mask your essential incompatibility. Every negative human emotion will come into play until one or both of you has the courage to realize that you made a mistake.

There is nothing more emotionally damaging to the human psyche than to see hopes and expectations dashed. To watch helplessly as love flickers and dies, despite all those cute things you said to each other. What makes marital disappoint­ment much worse is our wishful thinking. Because of it, we often lie to ourselves.

It's a shame that we have to dwell on bad marriages, but the numbers don't lie. In any given year in the United States, the number of divorces amounts to about half the number of marriages. Out of the half who don't get divorced, a sizable number are miserable together. Just look at the statistics on spouse abuse. For a person who wants to be a success in life, who wants to achieve things, marriage should be treated very carefully. You see rosy marriages on television and in movies. Even other couples, who may be desperately unhappy, can appear to be lost in eternal love for each other. You find out differently only when they stop speaking to each other.

Marriage is fraught with peril. It's an area in which it's very costly to learn by experience. Imbed that in your mind before reading any further.