© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete 2005 revised text of Building Yourself, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's guide to living the successful life.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
Building Yourself Table of Contents
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• If you would marry suitably, marry your equal. Ovid (43 B.C.–18 A.D.)

It's important to understand the difference between major and minor incompatibilities. If you like the beach and your spouse likes the mountains, that's minor. If you want children and your spouse doesn't, that's major. If you like rock music and your spouse asks you to turn it off, that's minor.

If you want to think big and take risks in life while your spouse wants you to have a “nice safe job,” that's major. Do you want to spend your life with someone who'll subvert your every move because your basic way of making a living and treating money is the less conservative? Of course not.

You have high self esteem and you expect the same in your partner. High self esteem means a positive person, not a person who drains. If the person is not up to your level as an autonomous, effective human being, he or she is not for you. You're not looking for a clone. But your spouse has to think straight and be open to your own way of thinking.

Is this setting an impossible standard? By no means. But it's setting a rigorous standard. If you keep to this standard, yes, it'll be harder for you to find that warm body to snuggle up with on those cold nights. But the alternative, someone who drains you and misunderstands you, is a catastrophe.