© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete 2005 revised text of Building Yourself, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's guide to living the successful life.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
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• A man looks pretty small at a wedding, George. All those good women standing shoulder to shoulder, making sure that the knot's tied in a mighty public way. Thornton Wilder (1897–1975)

Small weddings are just as romantic, just as serious as large weddings. They're more intimate than large spectacles, and they cost a lot less money. Complex weddings put a big strain on the relationship just when you don't need it—when you're starting out. Think of all the planning and work you have to do and factor in the value of your time; who needs all the financial stress? Are you really prepared within the space of a few hours to be confronted by every person you've ever known since you were an infant? Do you really need all those shiny things they're going to bring? Do you really think all this fuss is going to promote your new relationship?

Weddings are a big business. You can be sure that when your reception is winding down, the catering staff will rush in to clean up and prepare for the next one.

The best weddings, instead of being Las Vegas production numbers, are small, dignified and intimate. The more you pour on the glitz and sentiment, the less meaningful the event becomes. An event that sucks up all your energy, uses all your time and distracts you from both your career and your relationship can rarely be positive for you.

If parents or your intended really want a fancy wedding and you don't, you'll have to come to terms with the choices you make. If you go along, you should cooperate and not be resentful. If you feel, however, that you're being unfairly manipulated, don't put up with it for a moment. Life is too short to give too much ground to people who promise to subvert your efforts and basic way of living.

You're probably thinking now that this author believes everyone should live a grim, practical life without any of the trimmings. That's not true! I believe in having fun. But with all the time, energy and money you spend on a big wedding, you could spend three months surfing together on Maui. I believe that's still considered fun.