Building Yourself
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© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete 2005 revised text of Building Yourself, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's guide to living the successful life.

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7.10   Dealing with Crooks

    • If he does really think that there is no distinction between virtue and vice, why, sir, when he leaves our houses let us count our spoons. Samuel Johnson (1709–1778)

“As through this life you travel, you'll meet some funny men. Some will rob you with a six gun, and some with a fountain pen.” So goes the song written by Woody Guthrie, and it rings true. Along life's path you'll meet up with crooks. The ones out on the street with guns and knives may pose the greatest physical danger to you, but they're also easier to recognize. It's the ones who want you to sign on the dotted line who can leave you not knowing what hit you.

When I talk about dishonesty, I don't only refer to illegal acts, but also to shoddy workmanship, un-kept promises, and deceptive practices that are within the law but really not up to snuff. There is no sure way to tell a crook before he or she sticks a hand into your pocket. Con artists and dishonest businesspeople are skilled at pulling the wool over people's eyes. But here are a few basic rules of thumb.

  • First, I am very wary of anyone I deal with who is instantly my buddy. If someone who wants to deal with you makes a big thing about being a member of the same ethnic group as you, or playing the same sport, or otherwise being in the “same boat” as you, watch out.

  • Second, I know that if an offer appears too good to be true, it usually isn't true. I am not being given all the facts.

  • Third, I know that there is no such thing as a “once in a lifetime” opportunity. The other person might tell you you've got to act right away, otherwise the opportunity will vanish. Well, there's always another opportunity. The “once in a lifetime” gimmick is a tried and true way to distract you from the truth—that someone is desperate to sell you something on unfavorable terms.

  • Fourth—and I have repeated real experience to back this up—if someone begins dealings with me and in any way explains how honest they are and how I won't be cheated, my red flag goes up immediately. The same is true if they question my honesty for no apparent reason. The person who brings up honesty without being prompted (outside of the question of drawing up a contract, where you really should cover everything) most likely has at least some problem with the concept. They're thinking dishonesty, which is why the subject comes up in the first place. Beware here.

  • Fifth, if you're uncomfortable beginning dealings with someone, trust your feelings. Deal with someone else. If your home contractor wants a deposit that seems too large, find another one. There always is another contractor. Sometimes avoiding dishonesty is simply a matter of shopping around.

You can't always get back what a dishonest person takes from you, but you can always learn. If someone gives you shoddy service, of course you should steer your friends away from that person. It's also simple to make a complaint to governmental agencies if that's appropriate. But out of a sense of moral righteousness or on principle, many able people become enmeshed in crusades that only waste their time and talents, especially if the courts become involved. It's all a judgment call, and the more judgment you apply to the situation, the better.

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