© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete 2005 revised text of Building Yourself, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's guide to living the successful life.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
Building Yourself Table of Contents
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• Oh wad some power the giftie gie us/To see oursels as others see us!/It wad frae monie a blunder free us,/An' foolish notion. Robert Burns (1759–1796)

It takes real personal evolution, real growth, to turn the camera, to see yourself as others see you. Most people can't do it. And so they lose out. They spend their entire lives doing things based on their own immediate needs, saying things because they need to say them, not because someone else needs to hear them. As a result, they're out of touch with the rest of humanity. The rest of humanity, for the same reason, is out of touch with them.

You may be tempted to observe that a tremendous amount seems to get done in the world despite this lack of communication. But think a moment and look around you. How much misery in this world could be dispelled by true communication based on acceptance of the worth of other people? How many needless conflicts between people or even between countries could be avoided?

Turning the camera and trying to look at yourself through the other person's eyes gives that other person a special validity. I don't believe in self sacrifice or living my life for others. That's a lot of moralistic nonsense. But one-way communication isn't really communication at all.

One of the best ways of looking at yourself from the outside is to remain as open as possible when hearing comments by other people about yourself. You don't have to agree with them. But listen and get their points of view about the subject of you. Some of the things they tell you will sink in and can be of great help to you. One of the reasons I like the Toastmasters clubs so much is that you get evaluations of your performance by other people. You also get to see and hear those other people give speeches and air their thoughts. You mentally put yourself into their shoes while you watch them, so it's often like watching yourself speak. This, and every other technique or instance where you can get outside yourself to see yourself as others see you, is an extremely formative experience.