© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete 2005 revised text of Building Yourself, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's guide to living the successful life.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
Building Yourself Table of Contents
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• If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself. Confucius (551–479 B.C.)

Life is exactly the same way. When you think you've solved one problem, another gets in the way. Life insists on giving itself something of a plot, otherwise, like Hamlet, there'd be no play. And we wouldn't want that, would we? For much of the time, this plot involves the trials and tribulations of other people, their demands on you, their grievances and complaints about each other, their excuses for their own failures, their preoccupation with their own achievement, their delicate egos.

A good viewing of a complex play like Hamlet provides an excellent education. Life is never simple; every story has at least two sides, if not more. It's valuable and important to hear as many sides as possible. This is especially important if one of the sides comes from an area we could consider foreign, difficult to grasp or understand. Often you'll have to bend over backwards to get the full story.

When you read a story in the newspaper, you have no way of knowing how much of a slant the author has taken or how carefully the author has researched facts. Have all points of view been covered? Have key points been conveniently left out? This kind of thing happens whether the story is favorable or unfavorable. Did XYZ's earnings really increase by forty-five percent in the last quarter, or will a careful examination of the financial statements show up some very creative accounting? Is this Congressman really a crook, or did he just have the misfortune to hire an overzealous tax accountant?

Has your sister really been victimized by your other sister, or did she pick an unnecessary fight? Is the economy really on the skids, or did the financial reporter get out of bed on the wrong side the day she wrote the article? I could think of many more examples where I'm tempted to believe someone's story, but know I shouldn't.

Defer judgment. Listen calmly to all sides of the story. Get as much information as you can. Squeeze as much emotion out of your decision making process as you can (you'll never eliminate it entirely). Most important, realize that the side of the story least familiar to you, least accessible, may be the correct one. It might take work (giving the play of your life a real plot) to get to the bottom of it all.

Seeing all sides of a question is all part of building yourself to a position where what once seemed strange seems like something you can handle. It takes discipline. It's so easy to stay in your comfort zone and just accept the information input that comes in smoothest. Building yourself involves expanding your view to take in much more.