© Elliot Essman 2005. All rights reserved.

These pages contain the complete 2005 revised text of Building Yourself, public speaking trainer Elliot Essman's guide to living the successful life.

Elliot Essman Public Speaking Training
Building Yourself Table of Contents
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• It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. Epictetus (50–138 A.D.)

Yes, there are delicate matters of pride involved in admitting you were wrong. But realize this: unless you have the capability to admit you're wrong, your ability to think critically will never have a chance to grow. You can't always look at life from the outside, just watching. You've got to play the game. Often that means taking a side, holding an opinion. And as you get more information, you'll often find that your opinion or belief was wrong. The actions you take based on your beliefs may also be wrong. They affect other people as well as yourself.

There are two steps to admitting you may be wrong, and they're really separate questions. You first have to come to terms with the error to yourself. Then you have to admit your error to others if they're involved.

Admitting error to yourself is usually a process of evolution. You hold a belief, possibly research an area where you can act, then you act and the consequences make you think twice. In my own case, I have often gotten a negative first impression of someone who wanted to deal with me in some way. I've taken on a superior sort of attitude, then the person grows on me. I feel awkward about my initial negative feelings. I see how I have limited myself.

Admitting error to someone else is like jumping into a swimming pool. The water is only cold for the briefest of moments, then you get used to it and have a wonderful time. It's quite liberating to admit error. You grow each time. You resolve the error. You might be tempted to believe that admitting you were wrong makes you lose face. The opposite is true. Admitting you were wrong raises your stature in the eyes of the other person. Most people have delicate egos. They can't do it. The few people who have strong levels of belief in themselves can readily admit they were mistaken, then get down to living the rest of their lives effectively.

Recently researchers compared personal attitudes among a cross section of the population. One of the oddest findings was that successful people are much more likely to leave a play or movie in the middle if they don't like it; less successful people stay until the end no matter what. While perseverance is important for success, so is the mental flexibility needed to admit you've made the wrong choice.